Home

Yes, that is my baby, without any wires, tubes, IVs or monitors attached.

Yes, that is her in actual baby clothes, not hospital clothes.

Yes, that is her in her car seat.

Yes, that is our living room in the back ground.

Yes. . . we are home!

And she is perfect.

And I am tired.

Touch

On Sunday after we checked out of the hospital, we got a call from Paige's Dr. at the NICU at Utah Valley telling us that they took her off the ventilator and that I could come hold my baby.

Hold my baby.

I was so overjoyed I don't think I really knew what to do with myself.  We came straight down and the nurses sat me down in the rocking chair by the window, unwrapped my precious little bundle of baby, and laid her on my chest for our first skin to skin contact since the delivery room.  I had touched her head or arm since, but had not held her.  She squirmed for about two seconds and then I could feel every muscle in her body relax and she just melted into my arms.  She fell straight into the deepest sleep we'd seen her in, and I was in another place as well.  I really don't remember what the dr. said to me when she came in to talk, or who else came in and what they did.  I just sat there for the hour and half that was allowed, and held my baby.  Here we are during those moments.  Do you see all those delicious little fat rolls?




And here are the updates. . . because they are nothing but good news.  Hooray!

Sunday: They took her off the ventilator (huge) and gave her some of my colostrum through a feeding tube.  She had never had anything whatsoever in her stomach yet.  She handled both perfectly.

Monday: Her ex-rays came back perfectly clear.  All the blood tests for infections came back negative.  I got to try to breastfeed her, and she's the best eater ever!!!  I was even shocked how well she did.

Tuesday: When we came down to do the morning feeding, the nurse told us to go home and get our clothes, because she was ready to breastfeed only, and we needed to be here around the clock since I would be her only source of nourishment.  They removed the feeding tube, the oxygen lead, the central line coming from her belly button, and turned off her heat lamp.  She is on "rapid ween" from all fluids other than what I give her.  They asked to see her car seat and gave us the 411 on what to do when we get home.

Wednesday: ???  Rumor has it she might come home!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you.  I do not know how to describe the special feeling that has followed Brad and I around these past few days.

Thank you.

Our Baby

Where to start. First let me just say that right now I am overjoyed at how everything is going as of now. Let me tell you that Brad and I have been floating on everyone's prayers since our little baby gave everyone quite the scare and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Our sweet baby was born Friday at 10:53am. The moment she came a sweetness filled every cell of my body. There are no words to express. And she was absolutely beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful.

Pretty quickly a certain tenseness entered the room as the nurses worked on her, and then she was gone. They were telling us that she needed some oxygen, probably just for a little while, and then she'd be fine. Everything just sort of started spiraling down after that. I don't really enjoy recalling the next couple hours and I'm sure it wouldn't be able to convey what was actually happening, but basically the sweetest and most tender moments quickly turned to the most horrifying.

When they cordon off the whole nursery with partitions no one an see what's going on, when there is a whole team in there with her, when a social worker comes into your room and tells you to take lots of pictures, when Life Flight's transport team arrives, when the Dr. tells you your baby is very sick and they're not sure why, when he tells you it's moderate to severe and uses words like pulmonary hemerage and your baby's anatomy, when he reports back to your room every few minutes with something else to add, when procedures are failing and they're discussing where to send your baby, when the most important men in your life gather around your tiny baby and each put only a few fingers on her perfect head to bless her, when you see your baby. . . your baby. . . and you have to say goodbye to her when you've hardly even held her, those are the moments when you feel like you are standing at the brink of a certain hell that seems is coming to get you. Those are also the moments when an overpowering love and comfort came. And as I looked into the faces of our very large group of family who had come to celebrate, and were now witnessing something else entirely, I felt supported and steady. The nurses whom I had already grown close to, turned into my own angels. I will never, ever forget these people. They are imprinted in my heart.

Brad left at this point to go be with our daughter, his family leaving with him, and my family staying behind with me. I felt the most perfect, "easiness of heart," which I was blessed with from my Grandpa, and the support and love just started pouring in with a specific thickness that I can still feel around me. Each time Brad called with an update things would get a little better, and then a little more, and then a little more. Steady improvements. Steady miracles. Yesterday I got to leave the hospital for a few hours to go and see my baby at the Utah Valley NICU. I got to see her yawn. I got to see her have the hiccups. I got to see her suck on her pacifier.

I got to see her open her eyes and look back into mine. Straight into me.

And today seems to be going just as well. We leaving the hospital here in a couple hours, and we are leaving alone, without a baby. This afternoon we will go see her though, and someday she will come home with us. I love that little girl. So please keep praying for her. Pray for our sweet Paige Marie.

Would you like to see her?

Game Time

We are now at the hospital hooked up to the Epidural and ready to go. Natalie started into labor at 4pm on Thursday and the contractions were coming fast and hard by 7 . So, of course we went to the hospital at 10pm and after an hour, of course, they sent us home with no improvement and a couple of pills for her pain. She labored all night at home and we returned here at 5am and she had gone from a 3 to a 5 and so here we are. Game time. Pictures and updates as soon as i can. Keep Natalie and our daughter in your thoughts and prayers.

Baby's Room

Well, the other side of 40 weeks is a strange place.  I have been trying to keep myself busy so that I will not just pace around and wonder when she will come.  Today Brad and I took a little day trip up to Park City and it was perfect.  This morning I finally got around to taking some pictures of our baby room so I can show you all.  I must admit that I love changing spaces in my house.  So this one was really fun.   I'd say her room is 1/3 Ikea, 1/3 Urban Outfitters (I know, not the first place you'd think of for baby decor right?), and 1/3 random baby shops around our area.










This chiffarobe is actually from the 1950's. It was a piece of furniture that my grandmother bought for one of her babies, and it has been in the family ever since. I am thrilled to have it. It's a perfect place to store baby clothes, especially since we are short on storage here! And that is my blessing gown hanging on it, so there is a little old in with the new. And I liked the fabric that I used for the crib skirt (even though you can hardly see it!) so much that I decided to frame it and put it on the wall. I am going to make a quilt with what I have left too, so I'll show you that when I'm done.



And this is the feeding station. I hear that I might be spending a little time here:)  Having a 6'7 husband, you don't exactly get to just buy any furniture that catches your fancy, you have to go by what he will actually fit into, so we finally settled on this chair. Even though it's not a glider, it still swivels and rocks, and it even reclines.



So what do you think?

Still Here

Well, here I sit at 40 weeks on the dot.  I am still here.  Still pregnant.  Still gestating.  Still great with child.  But to tell you the truth, I am okay with it.  I just want her to come when she is good and ready.  I have been getting more uncomfortable lately with LOADS of contractions, but nothing regular.  Plans for today: try to workout (interpretation: walk as fast as possible, which is very slowly), get a masage since pretty much everything is sore and I have one paid for as a gift (i know, great gift!), hopefully have some Los Hermanos for dinner as a special tribute to my first trimester days when I wanted to eat there for every single meal.  Oh the chips and salsa with a side of guacamole!!!  Yes.  I am definitley going to try to do that.  Also, I am going to take some pictures of the baby's room since it is finally done so I can show you all.  Sounds like good plan right? 

Stay tuned. . . we'll update with any changes!