Our Baby

Where to start. First let me just say that right now I am overjoyed at how everything is going as of now. Let me tell you that Brad and I have been floating on everyone's prayers since our little baby gave everyone quite the scare and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Our sweet baby was born Friday at 10:53am. The moment she came a sweetness filled every cell of my body. There are no words to express. And she was absolutely beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful.

Pretty quickly a certain tenseness entered the room as the nurses worked on her, and then she was gone. They were telling us that she needed some oxygen, probably just for a little while, and then she'd be fine. Everything just sort of started spiraling down after that. I don't really enjoy recalling the next couple hours and I'm sure it wouldn't be able to convey what was actually happening, but basically the sweetest and most tender moments quickly turned to the most horrifying.

When they cordon off the whole nursery with partitions no one an see what's going on, when there is a whole team in there with her, when a social worker comes into your room and tells you to take lots of pictures, when Life Flight's transport team arrives, when the Dr. tells you your baby is very sick and they're not sure why, when he tells you it's moderate to severe and uses words like pulmonary hemerage and your baby's anatomy, when he reports back to your room every few minutes with something else to add, when procedures are failing and they're discussing where to send your baby, when the most important men in your life gather around your tiny baby and each put only a few fingers on her perfect head to bless her, when you see your baby. . . your baby. . . and you have to say goodbye to her when you've hardly even held her, those are the moments when you feel like you are standing at the brink of a certain hell that seems is coming to get you. Those are also the moments when an overpowering love and comfort came. And as I looked into the faces of our very large group of family who had come to celebrate, and were now witnessing something else entirely, I felt supported and steady. The nurses whom I had already grown close to, turned into my own angels. I will never, ever forget these people. They are imprinted in my heart.

Brad left at this point to go be with our daughter, his family leaving with him, and my family staying behind with me. I felt the most perfect, "easiness of heart," which I was blessed with from my Grandpa, and the support and love just started pouring in with a specific thickness that I can still feel around me. Each time Brad called with an update things would get a little better, and then a little more, and then a little more. Steady improvements. Steady miracles. Yesterday I got to leave the hospital for a few hours to go and see my baby at the Utah Valley NICU. I got to see her yawn. I got to see her have the hiccups. I got to see her suck on her pacifier.

I got to see her open her eyes and look back into mine. Straight into me.

And today seems to be going just as well. We leaving the hospital here in a couple hours, and we are leaving alone, without a baby. This afternoon we will go see her though, and someday she will come home with us. I love that little girl. So please keep praying for her. Pray for our sweet Paige Marie.

Would you like to see her?